How Do I Know if He’s Interested?

How do I know if he (or she) is interested?

Good question.

From the email I’m getting, this is something on lots of people’s minds no matter the age or gender of who is asking. How do you really know if someone likes you? What are the signs you should be looking for? How should you act, what should you do, and so it goes. These questions are as complicated as the people asking the questions are and that’s pretty darn complicated!

The honest answer is that there is no way to really, 100%, know how another person feels. Sometimes you don’t know even after they’ve told you because actions usually speak louder than words.

Case in point, a person says that they really like you, however they don’t treat you with kindness or respect or love. They don’t take you out anywhere nice, never introduce you to their friends and don’t even bother to do the tiny little things that would make you happy like a card or flowers or taking you to meet the parents.

In this case your heart is hoping that the words they told you are true while your head is wondering why a person who loves you would act this way. What a sticky situation and an uncomfortable one too. What do you do? How do you know if they mean it when they say they like or love you?

Here are a few things that you can think about that might help you at least come to grips with how you feel and what you expect from a relationship.

1. No one is “lucky” to have someone like them.

   If you’re feeling like you are really lucky because another person wants to be with you or because you think they are so special that you can’t believe they would like someone like you, you’re on the wrong track already.

   Human beings choose to be with one another. No one is doing you a favor by going out with you. You and the other person decide to spend time together. You must value yourself and your time before anyone else will. If you feel great because you’re going out with someone wonderful remember that that person is going out with someone wonderful too, you! No one will like or love us until we first can like and love ourselves.

2. Respect yourself.

   No one will show you respect and kindness if you don’t first treat yourself that way. Once you do, all other people will too. What we will and won’t stand for is how we develop our values and characters.

   If you respect yourself enough not to do destructive things that you know can harm you then no one else will either. The minute a person lowers their standards it’s easy to follow suit. A simple example of this is when a person cares so little about their car that they throw garbage in the back seat, let junk pile up and then get mad at their friends when they do the same and trash the car. If you put yourself down, belittle your abilities and drop everything to do what someone else wants regardless if you want you, you are showing your lack of self-esteem and confidence. When you do this other people will devalue your time and talents just like you do.

3. Like the person you date.

   I hear horror stories about bad dating experiences and after the person is done describing in detail what a waste of time this date was I usually ask them a question. I ask, “Why did you go out with them?” It never ceases to amaze me when their reply is similar to this, “I went out with them because they asked me.”

RAISE YOUR STANDARDS!

Even if you don’t know how they feel about you, don’t say yes to a date unless you like the person. This way at least you’re starting out in a good place and not just killing time with someone because you don’t have enough respect or confidence to spend time alone or with friends. How will you know if you like them? Talk with them over the phone or over a beverage and find out how they think, speak and act.

The biggest mistakes we make are when we really want a relationship and we’re lonely and so we convince ourselves that this is the person for us even when our heads and hearts are telling us that this isn’t the person.

The signals you send are the ones that are the most important when dating. You will only be ready to read the signs that other people send when you send confident and positive signals: that you feel good about yourself, that you’re okay with being alone. There is no magic person who will make you complete, a date is the beginning of learning about someone else you hope is ready to treat you with the courtesy and respect you always give yourself and expect from everyone else.