OK I have a confession to make to you. I have to admit that Valentine's Day has this way of sneaking up on me every year. So THIS YEAR, I'm going to be intentional about giving you ENOUGH TIME to prepare for this the most infamous of holidays - at least as far as your relationships with women go. Now sure, you know that deep down I'd love to join in the chorus of "macho" pickup and seduction experts that suggest you "just say no" to Valentine's Day and just tell the chick(s) you're seeing that you don't "celebrate" it. ... Read More ...

Here is some amazing insight that came about THIS MORNING during a coaching call with one of the guys who has put me to work for him. If you are into online dating at all (which you should be), you'll want to pay close attention.  And if you're not, now may be the best time to START. As you may know already, I talk a lot about how guys ruin their chances right from the start in their online profiles...simply by FOLLOWING THE DIRECTIONS. It's no secret to anyone who is successful online that Match.com et al really do not give out ... Read More ...

I refer to what I call the "Big Four" quite a bit. Yet, it has occurred to me that I've never devoted an article to making sure you've got the exact concept I'm talking about down with pinpoint accuracy. "It's about freakin' time", someone said. And I have no arguments for you there. Better late than never though. So let's fix the situation. The "Big Four", in principle, are the most basic, fundamental factors that decide whether a woman is attracted to you or not. Get them right, and women WILL respond powerfully to you. Ignore them (or worse?be ignorant ... Read More ...

I've been spending quite a bit of time lately interviewing women about what it's like for them to interact with guys these days. I also have the distinct pleasure of hanging out with my main squeeze Emily every day-and reading emails sent to us by literally thousands of women on her list. Taking ALL OF THAT information from SO MANY WOMEN into consideration, I've pulled together some SHOCKING CONCLUSIONS regarding any "approach anxiety" you may be suffering from. Let's just get right to the list: Women Usually Have No Idea That Guys Deal With Approach Anxiety This was a revelation ... Read More ...

If you've been reading my column for a while now, you know that we tend to move freely between the philosophical and the practical around here. Well, today's edition is going to be decidedly practical. In fact, what I'm about to share with you is something that EVERY MAN should know: WHEN to call off a date you've already set up with a woman, and exactly how to go about it. Honestly, I'm a bit surprised that literally NOBODY ever has covered this subject in the world of men's dating and seduction advice, at least as far as I've seen. ... Read More ...

Yeah, yeah. It's absolutely true that online dating worked out pretty well for me, ultimately. But having given it some thought, I wanted to come clean with you about something. It's not like every single date was a blissful stream of perfection. Sure, I met lots of great women and had a blast for several years…culminating in meeting Emily on Match.com. But along the way, especially at the beginning, I certainly encountered my share of sometimes hilarious and sometimes downright nightmarish situations. Here are the four most memorable ones 1) Not What The Doctor Prescribed Very shortly after my divorce ... Read More ...

I firmly believe that some dating advice that carries the disclaimer "for entertainment purposes only" REALLY IS "for entertainment purposes only". What's more, some guys are perfectly okay with that. It's enough for them. After all, SAYING that one is acting on a desire to get better with women and going through the motions in a way that FEELS LIKE getting better with women is often A LOT safer than ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING. It's potentially WAY less painful, also. But lately it has occurred to me that there's an EVEN MORE fascinating phenomenon out there that is potentially lulling guys ... Read More ...

Since we've all read countless articles and heard endless audio on how "nice guys" don't get women, you'd think we've probably gotten the message by now. Sure, we've had it drummed into our heads that wussies who "kiss up" to women fail. Along with that, it typically follows that we're reminded how "bad boys" or "jerks" are the ones who get all the women. In fact, you've probably heard SO MUCH of this sort of thing that right now you're hoping this newsletter isn't going to simply reiterate something you've heard a thousand times over. Rest assured. I wouldn't do ... Read More ...

One of the most prevalent themes of questions I receive has to do with how EXACTLY to "be masculine". Inherently, most of us---men and women alike---suspect that the diametric opposite personas of "Mr. Nice Guy" and the "Bad Boy" can't be the only possible choices when it comes to slotting guys according to their general demeanor. But based on what you tend to read nowadays, you'd think that was the case. Well, by now you know that I spend a lot of time talking about the concept of being a GREAT MAN. He is not a neuter, wussified "Mr. Nice ... Read More ...

I gave serious thought to naming this week's bit "The Selfish Man's Guide To Success With Women". After all, that's really a fitting title. But the problem is that nobody wants to be cast as "selfish", do they? Of course not. Yet, the truth is that if you didn't spend considerable time attending to your own needs and wants, you would be in no condition to make a philanthropic dent on society, would you? Anyone who has ever bought a commercial airline ticket and used it has heard a flight attendant's pitch to deploy one's own oxygen mask before assisting ... Read More ...

It has been eight months or so since that fateful springtime morning when I opened my inbox to find a "nice" message from a young woman somewhere in Canada. The missive was a simple one, reading: "You understand women better than most women do. It's like you are The Chick Whisperer, or something." Obviously, that particularly catchy phrase soon became the name of the podcast for men that we already had in the planning stages. But is this really some sort of special or even downright supernatural gift that I have? Nah, understanding MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) is ... Read More ...

Notice I have purposefully avoided the term ?bachelor pad? here. That?s for good reason. That expression conjures up immediate visions of complete, utter cheesiness. And if you expect to invite women over at any point (which I trust is a given) the last thing you want your place to be as a single man is cheesy. OK, maybe that?s second-from-last. The very last thing you want your place to be is dirty. And you can take that anyway you?d like, because no matter what you are thinking you are understanding me perfectly. Interestingly, I?ve had numerous guys (and some women) ... Read More ...

Well, if you've ever read an online dating profile anywhere, you've invariably seen some version of today's Phrase Of The Day in there somewhere. This can come in the form of, "No Games!" or "I am sick of playing games!" or "I do not play games, and won't put up with it", among others. Having read this phrase a few hundred times, I got a bright idea. I started asking people what they meant by that. The conversations, predictably, went about like this: Me: So you say you don't want to "play games". What are "games", exactly? They: Uh?you know?"games". ... Read More ...

When two people are seeing each other and one isn?t quite ?feelin? it?, the other is invariably about to get the ?Just Be Friends? talk. This, of course, is assuming we?re not dealing with desperate, clingy people who would rather ?settle? than be confronted with having to meet someone else. And ?nice guys? everywhere universally dread the ?JBF?, as inevitable as it ends up being much of the time when a woman?s femininity fails to be ignited. But there is a place even more dreadful than the ?JBF? zone. Dreadful, yet oftentimes completely ignored as even a remote possibility by ... Read More ...

I'm not sure exactly. Maybe it was the seven years I spent working with gang kids. Perhaps I've been conditioned by those eleven years' worth of high-pressure dealings with telecom companies. Or, more likely, it was the last five years of dating that got me to this point. But there's no denying it. I have a "smoke" detector that would make "Judge Judy" jealous. Let me explain. I make it a point to look for the best in people, and I believe I do my part in bringing it out in them. And as an adopted Texan a handshake means ... Read More ...

OK, I understand that some of us can be lazy at times. But good gravy, how do people like you and I become so lethargic as not to RUN AWAY from certain people we end up on dates with? Granted, the "warning signs" of when to hit "eject" are not always so easy to recognize-especially when we are clouded by attraction. That said, it's important to realize that getting out of a potentially bad relationship situation tends to be more emotionally and possibly physically difficult as time progresses. That is EXACTLY why today's article is of crucial importance. Today we ... Read More ...

I don?t know how many times I?ve heard a woman say she wants to be ?protected? by a man. Stereotypically, I tend to think of a petite little cutie uttering these words, either because she has a genuine concern that lawless thugs are going to be attempting to ?whack? her, or because she?d just rather not break a nail fending them off. Whatever mental picture we have, it?s safe to say that most of us guys assume that a woman is talking about being physically protected from harm by others when she talks like this?thanks, of course, to our manly ... Read More ...

?You know, it's dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section. You could melt all this stuff.? --Steve Martin in ?My Blue Heaven? Funny thing about today?s topic. The concept is one of the oldest, most overwrought stereotypes in the dating world. Yet, how many people (other than Vinnie) do you know who actually have met someone at the grocery store? Have you? Would you like to? As promised, today we?re going to talk all about how to turn the local supermarket into your dating playground?or at least potentially. And it?s easier than you think. No, this ... Read More ...