Dating Advice

When To Run Away 101

OK, I understand that some of us can be lazy at times. But good gravy, how do people like you and I become so lethargic as not to RUN AWAY from certain people we end up on dates with?

Granted, the “warning signs” of when to hit “eject” are not always so easy to recognize-especially when we are clouded by attraction. That said, it’s important to realize that getting out of a potentially bad relationship situation tends to be more emotionally and possibly physically difficult as time progresses.

That is EXACTLY why today’s article is of crucial importance. Today we are going to talk about the unequivocal signs of a bad, bad deal. No gray areas here. Nothing subjective. When you encounter any of the following traits?leave.

  1. Addictions

    If you are dealing with someone who has a substance abuse problem, run away. If not, their problem will soon be YOUR problem. No, I’m not saying you will succumb to “peer pressure” to join in. I’m saying that people with addictions learn quickly to become MASTER manipulators. Should you choose to enter into a relationship with such a person, you will be sucked into the vortex that their problem perpetuates.

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    And this isn’t about drugs and alcohol exclusively. Gambling addictions are among the hardest to kick. If you are involved with a gambling addict, expect a life where any and all financial gain that is worked so hard for is literally squandered with absolutely nothing to show for it. Open the window, and throw buckets of $$$ to the wind. Worse?open your wallet and hand your paycheck to shady people who are preying upon of your significant other, and therefore preying upon YOU also.

    Sex addictions (internet porn, “gentlemen’s clubs”, etc.) are equally devastating, if not more so. Your money and your partner’s attention are chronically diverted towards others in direct competition to you.

    Run away from all of this. You know you don’t want it, and NOBODY deserves to be subject to it. This is ?deserving what you want’ at the most baseline level.

  2. Evil

    “Oh, s/he’s not a bad person, just misguided, etc.” Stop making excuses for people. I’ve noticed that good people generally do not want to “label” others as “bad”. It’s as if it’s a “bad thing” to consider someone else bad. Get over it. There are bad people out there. Again, do not be manipulated into a relationship with someone who has bad intentions. Watch closely how such a person treats animals, parents, wait staff, and / or anyone or anything else that s/he has nothing to gain from personally.

  3. Sexual Ambiguity

    If your date has any leanings towards a sexual orientation that does not match yours, RUN AWAY. This is not something where people in disagreement compromise. If you have any doubts, throw them on the proverbial table immediately. For example, you do not want to be involved with someone who is bisexual if you are interested in a monogamous relationship between two people. Similarly, you do not want to be a part of someone’s plan to prolong “coming out” by showing the world that s/he dates MOTOS (i.e. Members Of The Opposite Sex). I’ve heard of a breathtaking number of cases where couples were broken up by changes in and / or realizations of differences in sexual orientation.

    Whatever lifestyle you choose to live, it is imperative that you find someone who is like-minded. And keep in mind that sentiment must be genuine on the part of the other person. It’s fair to say here that if you have an interest in a sexual lifestyle that classifies as an alternative to the established “norm” of one man and one woman, it is YOU who must be extra careful of those who are desperate enough to feign approval simply because they are DESPERATE. Dig deeper. Deserve what you want.

  4. Emotional Unstability

    Have you ever known someone who you couldn’t ever really be sure of when it comes to his or her demeanor? You know?you had no idea which “version” of this person was going to “show up” at any given time.

    Yeah, well?RUN AWAY.

    Someone who is emotionally unstable is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. Be very vigilant here. Ask hard questions. Thanks to miraculous new advances in medications within the last few years, there are people among us with severe mental illnesses who act “fine” and lead perfectly “normal” lives?as long as they are TAKING their meds. Should there be a lapse in taking such medication, it is not uncommon for it to be a real bear to get him or her back on track. This spells out a VERY difficult life for you-and one that will take twists and turns that are utterly arbitrary and will leave you powerless to affect. Is that what you want? Is that what you deserve?

  5. Extreme Selfishness

    If it is apparent upon getting to know someone that you will be doing all of the giving and he or she will be doing all of the taking, run away. This realization can take place in ten minutes or it can take much longer to sort through. Either way, get out.

    Watch out for manipulators of this ilk. People like this can be utterly fascinating to watch operate. Masters at “self-promotion”, the manipulatively selfish know exactly how to get others to willingly do what they want-preferably making them feel good about it all the while (somehow).

    Such people tend to know how to appear “generous” at first, when in reality all is part of a carefully crafted plot to get what they want, typically at deeper levels than is apparent at first. Extremely selfish people give “generously” on their own terms only. What is given to you is what they choose to give you and what they think you need. Your wants and needs are not considered?and never will be.

Did I wake anyone up? I sure hope so. Do not underestimate what I am talking about here. Despite my blatant and opinionated disregard for sugarcoating the truth, I am boldly telling you how to avoid a miserable life. I do this because my concern in this particular context is for you, the reader, not for those you DO NOT DESERVE.

When you find yourself dealing with anyone bearing the unmistakable earmarks of “highly-avoidable people”, RUN AWAY. DO IT IMMEDIATELY. Whatever you do, do not fall into the temptation to “change him or her” because you “care”. You will not.

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Scot McKay

Scot McKay is a professional dating and relationship coach, author and podcast host. He founded X & Y Communications in San Antonio, TX, which focuses on equipping and empowering men and women who want to go from good to great in their relationships. Scot is now married to his wife Emily.

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