Just for Men

How to Get Straight A’s in Masculinity

One of the most prevalent themes of questions I receive has to do with how EXACTLY to “be masculine”.

Inherently, most of us—men and women alike—suspect that the diametric opposite personas of “Mr. Nice Guy” and the “Bad Boy” can’t be the only possible choices when it comes to slotting guys according to their general demeanor.

But based on what you tend to read nowadays, you’d think that was the case.

Well, by now you know that I spend a lot of time talking about the concept of being a GREAT MAN.

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He is not a neuter, wussified “Mr. Nice Guy” who believes he can get somewhere by “kissing up” to pretty women. He is also not an abusive, cold-hearted slacker who slaps women around.

What he IS about is being a HIGH-QUALITY human being, who happens to exude sheer masculine presence all the while.

And it’s that “masculine presence” factor that tends to confound guys everywhere. Surely this isn’t about being “macho”. It isn’t about “slaying dragons” and “conquering enemies”.

Of course not. At least not these days, for most of us.

So how about some straight-talk about what it IS about?

Right on.

Here are six measures of TRUE MASCULINITY, as adored by women everywhere.

Notice “adored” starts with an “A”. I’ve made it so every point below starts with an “A” also. Call this lesson “How To Get Straight As In Masculinity”. Ready? Here we go:

  1. Assist With Strength
  2. Recently I was talking to a guy who was told by a great woman that he probably wasn’t her “type”, as disappointed as she was about it.

    When pressed why, the first reason that came to her mind revolved around how she had been struggling with a heavy suitcase at the airport…while he watched empty-handed.

    Sure, women are more “independent” now than they’ve ever been. But here’s a major hint: That doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate you doing the “heavy lifting” for them.

    In fact, if you proudly do the high-reaching, heavy lifting and pickle jar opening…and she DOESN’T appreciate it, it’s not your problem. I promise.

  3. Assert With Strength
  4. About two hours ago I got an e-mail from a guy I am working with who is making exceptional strides in his newfound ability to make high-quality women desire him immensely.

    The latest? At the end of an event the other night, the venue was closing but a woman (whom he wasn’t even particularly attracted to) needed to use the bathroom before leaving for a long-ish drive home.

    When told she couldn’t by some employee of the venue, our main man reasoned a “newfound commitment to customer service” into the employee’s mindset. He did so with calmness, but with resolve.

    And EVERY woman around, including the one he WAS attracted to took notice. Terrific.

    Take up for the people in your life when it’s the right thing to do. Care not whether or not who you’re standing up for is attractive to you.

    Do this especially when it’s potentially uncomfortable for both you AND for the person who requires taking some initiative toward.

    Try opening such conversations with, “You and I need to ‘visit’ about something.” That’s a Texas-born phrase with universally understood intentions of having a direct but civil conversation about a point of disagreement.

  5. Attend With Strength
  6. Do what you say you’ll do, when you say you’re going to do it.

    Keep promises, without complaint.

    When you mess up, which will be rarely, apologize.

    When women can trust your promises, you build that level of SAFETY in their minds AND in their hearts. When you tell women you’ve got things handled, they BELIEVE YOU.

    This is not to be confused with being predictable or with having a supplication problem. If you are repeatedly being “owned” by women, then you aren’t getting the concept.

    Think rock solid LEADERSHIP versus kissing up and you are well on your way to greatness.

    Women can’t resist a man who is trustworthy and dependable. It speaks volumes about your central core character strength as a MAN (as we’ll discuss more next).

  7. Align With Strength
  8. While #3 above (Attend) speaks to your actions, this one speaks to your CORE character. This is the more overarching, far-reaching concept.

    Essentially, by “alignment” here I mean that all your “numbers match”, just like what makes a classic car particularly valuable.

    Consistency in all your thoughts, beliefs, and values…above and beyond words and deeds.

    There’s a distinct CONGRUENCE between who you appear to be and who you really are.

    In case you’re wondering, YES…this is yet another way to perfectly encapsulate the elusive cure for “What Do I Do Next Syndrome” that plagues guys everywhere in their interactions with women.

  9. Assume With Strength
  10. Yeah, I know what happens when you assume. But what we’re talking about here is not being nave but putting away neediness in exchange for social confidence.

    A real man assumes approval and even attraction while neither demanding it nor begging for it. This results in an unmistakable aura of flat-out confidence that exudes masculine presence and dignity.

    Lots of guys have no idea what women could possibly see in Leonardo DiCaprio. He used to be one of my least favorite actors for exactly that reason.

    Once I buried myself in learning about what women really want, I soon (and unwittingly) became a Leonardo DiCaprio fan.

    He’s got THIS down, that’s why.

  11. Anticipate With Strength
  12. Well, since “A Plan” sounded a bit, well, forced…I chose “Anticipate” as the 6th “A” on this particular report card.

    Come to think of it, I believe “anticipate” is exactly the word I was looking for anyway.

    Have a plan. When you pick her up, know where the evening’s headed. Don’t offload that on her. She won’t appreciate it.

    Have a plan for your LIFE also. Think women want rich guys? Well, being rich is merely a symptom of AMBITION, as we’ve discussed around here before. Women love a man with a plan for his life.

    It’s irresistible to them.

    But “anticipation” is more than a plan. It’s LEADERSHIP.

    He who anticipates has his “plan” mapped out several chess moves in advance. That way no matter what goes down, he’s never rattled.

    He’s the guy with the Swiss Army knife. He’s the guy with the jumper cables. We already know (see #1) he’s the guy who rescues his woman when she has a flat tire.

    With the measure of confidence afforded by #5 above, the guy with the deeply-rooted “field sense” we’re talking about here become the de facto leader in any situation when the chips are down.

    After a few such battle-tested sorties genuine WISDOM is naturally the imminent–and desired–result.

Note that all six “A” words are modified with STRENGTH. My purpose there is that I want you to clearly see the difference between what women view as STRENGTH versus the traditionally male understanding.

The musclehead guys aren’t necessarily the “strong” ones to most women out there. In fact, depending on their motivations they can appear quite the opposite.

Can you see that distinct difference now? Ruminate for a moment upon the persona of the kind of guy who fulfills upon the 6 “As” above.

Can you see how the MASCULINE traits combine with CHARACTER to form an image that is intensely attractive precisely to HIGH-CHARACTER WOMEN?

To sum all of this up, being a GREAT MAN who gets somewhere with GREAT WOMEN is more defined by what WOMEN THEMSELVES WANT from a man rather than our own visions of speed, power, all-conquering wealth and world domination.

So many of us as guys throw up our hands and pronounce women as “impossible to understand”. Meanwhile, women are on the other side of the fence puzzling over the “enigma” that is manhood.

Truth is, we’re all human. And we’re a lot more ALIKE than you think–especially with regard to what our CHARACTER is composed of.

If you want women who will lie, cheat and finally cuckold you someday then deceptive “quick fixes” and pure “pickup” game may do the trick.

If you want a GREAT WOMAN, the strategy is WAY different.

But still, understanding the ways we ARE different is the true secret to transforming exceptional manhood into exceptional ability to ATTRACT the MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) you want most.

And it’s by no means impossible.

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Scot McKay

Scot McKay is a professional dating and relationship coach, author and podcast host. He founded X & Y Communications in San Antonio, TX, which focuses on equipping and empowering men and women who want to go from good to great in their relationships. Scot is now married to his wife Emily.

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