What He Looks For in a Woman

So, women ask me all the time: “What are guys looking for in a woman?”

Well, not really. But they’re asking somebody. And I feel compelled to answer.

Now, I’m not speaking for all guys, just the ones who are like me – the North American Average Joe. It’s no mystery, ladies. I mean, you don’t have to be Indiana Jones to find the answers. We’re pretty simple creatures, often confused by complicated things like “feelings.” Some will say guys want a hot bod. Others will say we’re all looking for a mother figure. And another group subscribes to the belief that we’re all looking for a best friend.

The answer? We want it all.

Now, when we’re out looking, which is – uhm – ALWAYS, we obviously look at the body first. There’s no point in lying about that. I don’t care how sensitive and romantic a guy is, by the time he’s sauntered up to you, he’s checked you out. Now don’t get all in a huff about how guys only want the tall, skinny, waif-looking model types with big boobs. Because that’s as silly as us thinking that you all want Fabio – yeah, a doofy long-haired foreigner who makes his money on book covers and butter commercials. See how silly that is?

Look. Some guys like short hair. Some guys like short girls. Some are pre-disposed to brunettes, or girls with thin lips. Some guys like a big, round rump, and others like a cute little fanny. Hey, there are even guys who like feet. Get the idea? Basically, if he’s talking to you, you obviously fit within his pre-determined parameters. And a quick glance at the average couple on the street will prove the theory that yes, there is someone for everyone.

Now, every guy wants someone who looks nice on his arm, but he also wants a girl who’s fun to hang out with. One who shares his interests, whether it’s computers or old movies or dropping things from highway overpasses. And if she doesn’t share his interests, she should at least accept them. I thank my lucky stars every day that I found a woman who puts up with my INSANE Star Wars AND Star Trek obsessions. That’s why I asked her to marry me. (Yes, ladies, this geek is taken!)

This of course, means not only paying attention to what we’re saying, but actually being interested.

So yeah, most guys want a woman who doesn’t cringe when his buddies are around. Some even want one who can HANG with his buddies. Or maybe one who might kick his butt at Racquetball, but massage his back afterwards. He basically wants a buddy with breasts. Someone who’s easy to be with, but looks cute in a little black dress. Someone we don’t have to be macho around, but also don’t have to be “super sensitive guy” in front of, either.

And please, please, please. Have an opinion. Have an interest. Have a sense of humor. Have a brain. Yes, guys like bimbos. That’s a no-brainer. “Baywatch” was a hit TV show for a reason. But don’t fret, because we don’t stay with ’em long. A vacant stare and a big chest rarely last past a few dates. Be smart, be witty, but avoid being “the b-word.” Challenge us, but not too much. The male ego is a fragile thing.

OH! And, though we’ll rarely admit it outright, as much as we want to take care of you, we like to be babied a little, too.

See? It’s not so hard. And, not that easy. But at least it’s not that hard.