Is the Grass Greener on the Other Side?

Ever notice that when you’re single, all everybody talks to you about is
how great it is to be a couple? And how when you’re in a couple, everyone
tries to tell you how much fun you’re missing in the single life? Ever
notice how you believe them? The phenomenon is as old as the hills, but
people still fall for it. Desperate people end up in crappy relationships.
People in pretty healthy relationships just pick up and leave because they
don’t want to miss out. So, I’ve gotta ask: is the grass always greener?

No.

Look, Chachi. Grass is grass. Unless it’s Maui Wowie, in which case it’s not
just grass, it’s an experience. But that’s neither here nor there.

It’s human nature to want what the other guy’s got. I know it, you know it,
and even God knows it, which is why two of the 10 commandments tell us not
to covet things that belong to others. Though, I haven’t heard anyone use
the word covet in about 2,000 years.

Think about it. If you order the chicken, you wish you ordered the steak,
especially if the gal next to you is really enjoying hers. And if you
ordered the steak, you’d see someone really loving the chicken, and wish you
had that. Whatever you do, don’t order the fish.

We’re greedy. We’re indecisive. We’re insecure. And no one likes the feeling
that they’re missing out on something fun. Or, by the same token, that they
could have done better than what they have. Ever heard of “Buyer’s Remorse?”
Whether it’s a pair of pants or a house, we second guess almost every
decision we make, if even for a split second.

It’s all a sham. You should know by now that according to your friends, the
night you miss will always go down as the coolest night ever. If that were
true, they could just hang up their hats, and never go out again, right? The
same goes for being single or in a couple.

It’s all PR. As a couple, it’s your job to tell everyone how great couple
life is. As a single person, it’s your job to uphold your way of life, as
well. It’s like telling a friend about a great new restaurant, or a good
movie. You don’t expect them to run out and eat there or to go see it TODAY.
But, if they have the time or the opportunity, you think they’d enjoy it.

Yeah, who’s gonna walk around telling you:

• “Hey, I had ramen noodles for dinner.again.”
  
• “If she yells at me for leaving the seat up again, I might kill her!”
  
• “I spent last weekend alphabetizing my CDs.”
  
• “I’m not allowed to watch my favorite show anymore because HIS favorite show
  is on.”

Not to say that either life is bad, and that we’re all lying about how great
it is to have someone special or how cool and carefree it is to be
unattached. They both have their upsides and downsides. I mean, being in a
couple sucks if you’re with someone you settled for just so you could say
you have a boyfriend. And being single can’t be fun if you had to dump the
love of your life to get there.

In both cases, it’s very easy to get freaked out or desperate. And it’s a
deadly cycle. Don’t believe me? Go tell some guy who’s about to get married
that his future wife is the only woman he’ll ever sleep with again. Or go
tell some 35-year-old single woman the story you saw on the news about the
old lady who died alone with 100 cats. Next thing you know, he’s calling off
the wedding, or she’s dating the loser who tried to pick her up last
weekend. Within months, she’s dying to be single again, and he’s praying
that his ex will eventually return his calls. These are extreme cases, but
you catch my drift.

If you’re tall, you’ll wonder what it’s like to be short. If you’re fat,
you’ll wonder what it’s like to be skinny. It goes on every day, in every
life. And it’s OK to wonder. It’s part of what makes us human.

I know it sounds cheesy and all, but I’m a firm believer in the idea that
everyone gets what they deserve, in due time. Being in a couple won’t solve
the problems of a single person any more than being single solves the
problems of a person in a couple.

Some people are born to be single. Or, they’re late bloomers. So turn off
the biological clock. There’s no rule that says you have to be married by
33. That includes the plan you came up with in your head when you were 10.
Heck, when I was 10, I planned to be an astronaut.

And, some are born to be in a couple. You know, like the kid on the block
who had a boyfriend at age 6. Don’t be freaked out if you’re in a good,
fulfilling, long-term relationship, no matter what your friends say. Whether
you’re 25 or 55, someone will try to get it in your head that you’re not
ready. That you have wild oats to sow. Maybe there are a lot of hunky
firemen and swimsuit models out there waiting to meet you, by why mess up
something wonderful for the chance to find out? Heck, if that’s your plan,
you can spend the rest of your life looking for something better. And then
you’ll never be happy.

So even if you play with the idea of switching teams, remember that as soon
as you do, the other will start winning again.

And even if the grass is greener on the other side, who’s to say green grass
is what you even wanted?

I don’t even like lawn and yard work.