For some reason or other, most men feel like there needs to be some special way to ask a woman for her phone number. As a dating coach, I get asked all the time by men all sorts of questions about the proper etiquette and rules of asking for a woman’s phone number.
Here are some typical ones:
- How long must you talk to a woman before you can ask for her phone number?
- Are there certain places where you should ask a woman for her number?
- Are there places you can’t (or shouldn’t) ask a woman for her phone number?
- Can you ask a woman for her phone number when her friends are there?
The answers to all these questions are not nearly as important as why men ask them. Men don’t ask women for their phone number not because they are concerned that they are committing some breach of dating etiquette, but because they are afraid of getting rejected.
The truth is that the answer to all of the above questions is the same: There is no perfect time or place to ask a woman for her phone number. There are, however, great ways to do it. Here are five tips to help you feel comfortable and be most successful when you ask a woman for her phone number:
- Never ask a woman you’ve just met for her phone number if you have done all of the talking but none of the listening. Why would a woman want to go out with you, when all you’ve done is talk at her instead of asking her questions and trying to find out about her. Who wants to go out with “the chronic talker?”
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Conversation is a 50/50 deal. So, never just walk over to a woman, talk at her for two minutes, and then demand a phone number from her. You will likely not be pleased with her response.
- When you are deciding whether to ask a woman for her phone number, it doesn’t matter for how long you’ve been talking to her. All that matters is how well you connected with her during that conversation.
When I meet a woman to whom I’m attracted no matter whether I’m in a video store, the supermarket or a coffee shop I am always finding out about her during our conversation. Just because a woman is pretty, doesn’t mean I want to go out with her. I have to find out about her. In order for me to be interested, I have to find her interesting and intriguing. This may only take a minute or two.
If I like the way the conversation is going in those first few minutes, I’ll say to her “Look, I’ve got to run but I’d like to carry this conversation over to another day. Give me your number and I’ll give you a call.” If you are responding to what each other is saying, and you’re both enjoying the conversation, then you should ask her out.
- If a woman is with a group of friends, then the way to ask her for her phone number is to talk to all her friends. Don’t just walk over and start talking to the one in whom you’re interested. Talk to all of them.
If you show her that you are a friendly guy, and you get her friends to like you, then after you leave her friends will be speaking positively about you. You want her friends talking about you. It’s like having your own personal fan club.
Most guys make the mistake of only talking to the woman in whom he’s interested. When you do this, then you get the opposite reaction from her friends after you leave. What will happen is that after you leave, her friends are going to be saying: “Why would you go out with him? He’s so rude!” This is why you want to get her friends to like you.
What you do after you have entertained all of them and had good conversations with everyone, is you pull the woman you’re interested in aside by saying “C’mere one second. I’ve got to ask you something.” After you’ve pulled her away from her friends, then ask her out and get her phone number. After you leave, she’ll run back to her friends feeling really great that you chose her over all her other friends.
- Respect a woman’s time. Let’s say you spot a woman in a bar who is with her friends. You wait until she goes alone to the bar to make your move, and you end up having a great conversation with her while you’re standing at the bar.
What I suggest in this situation is that you don’t monopolize her time. She is out to have a good time with her friends acknowledge that. After you have chatted with her for a few minutes, and you have established that the two of you get along well, tell her “I don’t want to keep you from your friends. Why don’t you give me your number and we’ll get together another time.”
By doing this, you distinguish yourself from every other guy in the bar. Most guys would monopolize her time, thinking that they need to talk to her for some minimum amount of time before they can ask her for her number. Not true be different by being respectful of her time and she will want to give you her number. This actually segues really well into number 5.
- A woman will not only want to give you her phone number, but will also look forward to your call, if you make her want more of you. This is accomplished with two extremely powerful techniques I call “giving your best two minutes” and “using the power of the walk away.” Use these and you will always leave a woman wanting more.
Have you ever had a connection with a woman that was great for the first few minutes . . . then you sabotaged the conversation because you started to over think the situation and got nervous? If you meet a woman you’re attracted to and are having a great conversation with her no matter where you are it is ALWAYS better to excuse yourself while the conversation is good so you leave her wanting more.
Think about how you feel when you’re talking to someone who is really intriguing and they have to leave. When they walk away from you, you want more (not less) of them. This is what I call the power of walking away. Keep her thinking and wondering about you, and she’ll be looking forward to your phone call.
You can ask a woman out and ask for her phone number within 30 seconds, two minutes or ten minutes of meeting her. It doesn’t matter. It’s not about the amount of time you’ve spent with her . . . it’s about how well you listen to her and how great the conversation is going.
So the next time you’re wondering if you should ask a woman for her phone number, my advice to you is this: Go for it! It’s better to ask a woman out and find out whether she’s interested, than to waste valuable time over the next few days wondering what could have been.