Relationship Advice

A Look at Jealousy

Ever been jealous? Don’t shake your head like that, because you know you have. Everybody has. Why? Because at least once in everyone’s life, somebody else has something they want, but can’t have. And that’s OK. It’s human nature. Not the prettiest side of human nature, but natural nonetheless.

“I want the same car as my neighbor.”

“I wish I had a job that easy.”

“How come SHE gets a $10,000 bonus?”

Normal, human jealousy.

Then, there’s the other kind. The kind that leaves you sitting in your car in the Wal-Mart parking lot, waiting to see if she comes out alone or not. The kind that has you taping phone conversations and not allowing him to see his friends. The scary, movie-of-the-week-on-Lifetime kind. It’s irrational. It’s stupid. And it’s as hard to avoid as snow in Alaska. It happens to everyone. It’s funny, too – love can bring out the best in a person. But the moment you have an inkling that he or she might be sowing their oats elsewhere, bye-bye, Dr. Jekyll, hello Mr. Hyde. It’s not jealousy. It’s paranoia.

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Think about it. You finally got someone who is more valuable to you than anything. So, like a little kid with a prized toy, you immediately start worrying about everyone out there in the big, bad world who wants to take it away from you. Same game, different “toy.” When you’re a kid, it’s bullies and siblings. As an adult, it’s…uhm…bullies, siblings, and guys with nice hair and square jaws. It’s a self-esteem thing, too. Part of you doesn’t feel worthy enough to have him or her, so you practically EXPECT someone to take them away.

Then, you panic.

It gets really dumb, too. She’s not allowed to have guy friends. He’s not allowed to have an attractive assistant. She’s listening in on the extension. He’s smelling the pillows. Pretty soon, she can’t even tip the bag boy at the Stop-N-Shop because you will be ticked. It can really get out of hand.

What ever happened to trust? Don’t you love this person? And how can you love someone that you don’t trust? Don’t look at me, Chachi. I don’t know, either. I’ll admit it. Part of me loves it when other guys check out my fianc饮 It’s like, “awwww, yeah, I got the good stuff.” However, the other, meaner, full 240-pound part of me wants to bash their leering faces in. I can’t explain it. I trust her. She loves me. I know in my heart that they don’t stand a chance with her. She knows it. And even as cocky as they act, they know it, too. But inside, there’s the kid who got stood up for the big dance because some Senior who looked just like that guy stole his date. And he ain’t happy.

It’s hard, especially if you’ve been cheated on before, and it came as a complete surprise. Beyond being angry and p.o.’d, you’re flat-out embarrassed. And you never want it to happen again. And it’s hard to trust after something like that. And a lot of time, it’s not because you don’t trust your significant other. You don’t trust the world.

But you’ve gotta be careful, and trust in how good you’ve got it. Because no one wants a husband who beats up every delivery guy. And no guy wants a wife who all the women at his office are afraid of. If you’re that guy or that gal, eventually all you’ll have to worry about is why your current became your ex.

Yeah, too much jealousy can be a one-way ticket to “Singleland.” It happens to everyone. Celebrities, too. I bet even Hugh Hefner, Mr. Playboy, has been jealous. And I know he’s been divorced. And maybe he deserved it.

Or, maybe I’m just jealous.

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Kwame DeRoche

Kwame's witty style of writing always cracks us up. Sorry ladies, he's taken...but we hope you enjoy his insights into the male mind. This guy can write!

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