Relationship Advice

Are You Drawn to Toxic Relationships?

As every hopeless romantic would declare, love is bliss. And if you were to believe that every love story ends in “happily ever after”, the world would have been a happy place to live in.

Living happily ever after is not always the case. Otherwise, there would have been no basis to some findings on studies on relationships, which almost always do not paint a pretty picture of the relationship landscape. In fact, one study shows that at least one-third of Americans claimed to have gone through a major relationship breakup at least one time for the past ten years. Another study shows that in the U.S. alone, some 2.2 million people of not more than 35 years old go through a divorce every year, and the figures are higher for breakup among those in serious relationships.

What is more interesting to note is that while infidelity, commitment problems, and lack of passion are among the top reasons for their breakups, a significant number of women, that is 1 out of 4 women, are more likely to say that physical or emotional abuse is the cause of their latest breakup. This is not to say that women are the only aggrieved parties in an abusive relationship, but studies would show that about 95%-98% of the victims of relationship violence are women. Nor does this discount the fact that women can become the aggressors too.

Why do some people end up in such toxic relationships? Answering that question would require more than just a superficial look at a person’s dating attitude or preferences. But this does not mean that one should avoid tackling the issue. The best question to answer is, “How do I get out of a toxic relationship?”

  1. Do not get into a toxic relationship, in the first place. Yes, this is easily said than done. But one way of getting yourself guarded is to follow what your instincts tell you. When you sense that something is not just right about the person you are dating, do not just cast aside those thoughts. Probe deeper and determine what exactly got your radar up.
  2. In your getting-to-know-each-other stage, open up your feelings but test your potential partner. Know the person very well. Keep your eyes, mind and heart open about his personal life, career, and some idea about his finances.
  3. Take a peek into his family life, know how he feels towards or treats family members, especially his mother, sisters or other female relatives. That would pretty much give you an idea on how he would treat his/her potential partner.
  4. Look out for warning signs such as mood swings, denial, short temper, lying, and other impulsive behaviors. These are just some of the manifestations of a troubled emotional condition that must not just be taken lightly.Getting into a relationship is supposed to let you grow positively with your partner, and also as an individual. We do not need to get ourselves involved in situations that make us helpless, wanting, and hurting. Life is too short, and as the clich├ęs, live life to the fullest. And with that, the last thing we need is getting ourselves into a toxic relationship.
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Ron Zvagelsky

Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business Administration from the University of Southern California. He graduated Magna Cum Laude in May 2006. He is currently the Co-Founder of PlanJam - where you can find date ideas.

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