Does he Love Me, Or Just Want Sex?

Question

When a guy tells me that he loves me how can I know if he is just saying it so that I will have sex with him? If I have sex with a guy who doesn’t really love me, but says he does, how will he act afterwards?

~ Kim

Kwame’s Answer:

Kim,

This is a tough one to answer because I don’t know you or your fella. But by and large, this is an issue of trust and common sense. If you’ve only been on four dates, and he’s saying he loves you, it’s very likely that he just wants to do the mattress mambo, especially if you haven’t yet. This is in general, as well. You can’t love someone you hardly know. At this point, he’s probably thinking…

I’d LOVE to see you naked.

I’d LOVE to “score.”

I’d LOVE to have sex.

Love — real love, takes time. Period. There’s attraction at first site, but love comes from sharing more than a few kisses, a movie, and a grope. If he’s saying he loves you and at the same time pressuring you to have sex, that’s wrong. You deserve to be treated with respect. Like a lady.

As for your other question, you hit on somethng very interesting. Guys — especially the younger ones — DO act different after sex. And a lot of it depends on where they are in life and what their motives are. If they were just trying to “score”, they might completely ignore you afterwards. If the two of you are in love, and have waited, and then did it, he may be in a daze afterwards. And yes, some guys just sleep. Sorry.

But I think what you really were asking was answered in the first part. If this guy really loves you, he won’t act any different after you have sex than he did before. It’s a risk you shouldn’t take if you’re not sure about his feelings, though.

Hope it helped!

Kwame