Just for Women

Does he Love Me, Or Just Want Sex?


When a guy tells me that he loves me how can I know if he is just saying it so that I will have sex with him? If I have sex with a guy who doesn’t really love me, but says he does, how will he act afterwards?

~ Kim

Kwame’s Answer:


This is a tough one to answer because I don’t know you or your fella. But by and large, this is an issue of trust and common sense. If you’ve only been on four dates, and he’s saying he loves you, it’s very likely that he just wants to do the mattress mambo, especially if you haven’t yet. This is in general, as well. You can’t love someone you hardly know. At this point, he’s probably thinking…

    I’d LOVE to see you naked.

    I’d LOVE to “score.”

    I’d LOVE to have sex.

Love — real love, takes time. Period. There’s attraction at first site, but love comes from sharing more than a few kisses, a movie, and a grope. If he’s saying he loves you and at the same time pressuring you to have sex, that’s wrong. You deserve to be treated with respect. Like a lady.

As for your other question, you hit on somethng very interesting. Guys — especially the younger ones — DO act different after sex. And a lot of it depends on where they are in life and what their motives are. If they were just trying to “score”, they might completely ignore you afterwards. If the two of you are in love, and have waited, and then did it, he may be in a daze afterwards. And yes, some guys just sleep. Sorry.

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But I think what you really were asking was answered in the first part. If this guy really loves you, he won’t act any different after you have sex than he did before. It’s a risk you shouldn’t take if you’re not sure about his feelings, though.

Hope it helped!


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Kwame DeRoche

Kwame's witty style of writing always cracks us up. Sorry ladies, he's taken...but we hope you enjoy his insights into the male mind. This guy can write!

2 thoughts on “Does he Love Me, Or Just Want Sex?

  • Kerry,

    This situation is a like saying
    “I have a hot of boiling water in a pot, if I dump on my head, will it hurt?”

    Here’s another:
    “Whenever I walk in the snow without shoes, my feet get very cold. It’s snowing outside, should I wear shoes?”

    And a final one:
    “When I speed down my local highway, I have been ticketed. Will I be ticketed if I speed this time? ”

    You are dealing with a man who is cheating on another woman for you. Do you want to take the risk that he will cheat on you?

    Go find yourself an honorable man.

  • hiya kerry.

    it is sad, but normally guy’s do not leave their wives/longtime girlfriends for another female, especially if he lives with her and/or they have any children together.
    also, they usually tell you that they ‘love you’ in order for you to stay with them, particularly if they fear you may be getting fed up or if another guy appears interested in you.
    i think he probably does love you, but you cannot go on sharing him, so to speak.
    an idea is to keep a distance & not let him see you or have any form of contact for a long while – then, when he cannot take no more and is hurting/upset, explain to him nicely that you’ll be gone for good & moving on with your life without him because you can no longer be “second best”.
    this way, without you actually giving him an ultimatum [which is cruel & manipulative], he’ll go away and think. IF he truly loves you, he will come your way with a full, real commitment to you only. otherwise he will just stick to his present girlfriend.

    hope this helps kerry.
    keep well.
    >anne :-)

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