Just for Women

How to Play Hard to Get – the Right Way

Many men and women in an attempt to create that sense of mystery, unfamiliarity, and the thrill of the chase end up becoming too elusive (playing impossible to get) that the other person assumes they’re not interested or the other person after a while gets tired, gives up and moves on.

The whole point of “playing hard to get” is to demonstrate your VALUE to others and you can’t do that by being too available (clingy, needy or eager to please) nor by simply making yourself unavailable (saying “no” all the time or making yourself too scarce) or even by being overly aggressive ( being manipulative, demanding or controlling).

You demonstrate VALUE by creating a sense of exclusiveness (exceptional and extraordinary).

Creating that sense of “exclusiveness” requires:

  1. A wise and intelligent awareness about what you are doing

    Look at it this way – you’re the owner of a luxurious brand who wants to confer an image of superior quality to a buyer. You are not going to achieve this by using ?open house,” (I’m desperate, I will take anyone) or “permanently out of stock” (don’t take calls, cancel dates, try to make him or her jealous etc) methods. You confer an image of superior quality by a good understanding of yourself first and foremost.

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    Self-awareness is the key. I cannot stress this enough. Self-awareness especially awareness of your sexual imprint (why you are attracted to certain people and not others, why you behave the way you behave, why you fear what you fear, why you believe what you believe and do what you do etc) will enable you direct your energy in positive ways, make the right decisions and maintain balance and moderation.

  2. Knowledge of what appeals to a particular man or woman

    Each and everyone of us has a uniquely personalized set of things that naturally attract or repel us sexually and erotically. How do you figure out what attracts or repels a particular man or woman?

    One, by asking questions… lots of them. Ask questions with the intention of finding out what makes him or her tick – his or her own sexual imprint. And two, by doing things that make him or her feel that you truly and genuinely understand him or her as a unique individual.

    When you tap into the deepest and sometimes most forbidden desires, fantasies, and passions of a person, it is possible to spend just five minutes with him or her and create such strong attraction that he or she later on, on their own, recalls the experience with good feelings about seeing and being with you again. It’s this “good feelings” that fuel the chase.

  3. Ability to make someone feel special without seeming too needy or eager to please

    If somebody is going to chase you, they want to know with some degree of certainty that you are worth the chase. There’s nothing that is a bigger turnoff for both men and women than someone who is predictable, not much of a challenge, too rigid or controlling, desperate or too eager to please, incurably negative and downright boring.

    The person must feel that you’re worth his or her time and energy and what he or she is chasing is not something he or she can easily get on the street corner but rather something offered to only a “privileged” few.

    Men and women want to feel that you’re valuable and only those who deserve it will earn you as a reward. It’s kind of like a “members only” exclusive club where the person being allowed in feels “they must be special”. When you make someone feel special, they in return will feel you are also special.

  4. Capacity to impact on someone’s life so much that they are positively transformed as a result of knowing you

    Really savvy and skilled brand creators take “exclusivity” one step further. They just don’t stop at “by invitation only” phase, but instead create an entire lifestyle. That is, they challenge a man or woman pursing them to become more of themselves and do more than they’d dared to do before. If your words, actions, and behaviours can actually make the person experience a very strong state of arousal, excitement or deep sense of peace creating strong memories those memories will be added to the person?s sexual imprint and so will you – forever.

Playing hard to get done the right way can be the most powerful form of seduction there is. And we all have the ability to craft transcendent experiences that can make our dates, lovers, and spouses feel they are flirting (literally!) with the unpredictable and the unknown in a most intense, agreeable, pleasing, charming, endearing, enticing, enlivening, and reality altering way.

Who wouldn’t want to spend eternity with someone like that?

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Christine Akiteng

Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author. Visit her on the web: Christine's Website

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