Q&A: My Kissing Partner is Sloppy

Question

I am a female and I love my boyfriend very much, but when we kiss I feel like I’ve been slobbered on by a huge dog. What should I do and how should I go about telling him to stop drooling all over me? Thank you.

~ Joy

Kwame’s Answer:

Joy, I hear ya. It’s great when your boyfriend is drooling all over you, but it’s not cool when he’s doing it literally.

Sloppy kisses defeat the whole purpose of the kiss, whether you’re trying to be loving, passionate, or sexy. It ruins the mood. Besides, in general no one likes being slobbered on. The fix is simple. Less drooling. The hard part is communicating that to him. But, it sounds like you already know that.

Remember, a lot of us don’t get trained to kiss. We’re just born with a set of lips, then we go through puberty and are pushed out into the kissing world. It would be cool if right between Algebra and Social Studies we had to take Kissing 101.

So, maybe he thinks he’s doing just fine, especially if no one has ever mentioned it to him. If that’s the case, maybe he’ll be open to changing his style.

All you have to do is work with him, and talk to him. Here’s how.

(1) Turn it into a game. A question game, perhaps. For example: “What’s your favorite part about kissing?” Then you go on to describe exactly the way you like to be kissed. Or go the opposite way (could be more risky, though): “What I don’t like about kissing.” Maybe he’ll get the hint.

(2) Do it to him. Nothing like a taste of one’s own slobbery medicine to make a point. The only downside to this one is that he may not think anything’s wrong with being slobbered on.

(3) Quote a book or magazine. Tell him you read something in Glamour or Cosmo about kissing, and that you want to try a few with him. Then “teach” him what you “learned.” (Of course, all the kisses you teach will be of the non-slobber variety.)

Catch the drift? To avoid having an argument or hurting his feelings, you’ve gotta be creative. Just don’t sound accusatory or overly critical. Kinda bring it up gently. Personally, I’m not sure because I don’t know him and how he’ll react. But if you love and care about each other, he should be okay with hearing you out.

If gentle and subtle doesn’t work, you may have to say flat out — can you try kissing me without slobbering all over me?

Hopefully, it won’t come to that. Hope your “dry spell” starts soon!